R4 L4- into 360 half-roll

this saturday, i could have died.

i mean, i could have died any day, but on saturday i found myself suspended upside down in a smashed car in the middle of a country road with shattered glass everywhere.

it’s really a surreal feeling.  i know i was supposed to watch everything in slow motion and have my life flash before my eyes and think of one last thing before i go.  but none of those things happened.  i looked down and then down was up.  everything was light and then everything was dark.  my brother said “are you ok?” and all i could think was that we should get out of the car before the next one came down the road.  or maybe i just wanted to get out of the car.  i think i said “i need to get out” instead of just “get out.” but there’s no video to prove it, i’m afraid.  only a mangled car and some cuts on the back of my hand.

as usual, i must analyze the situation.  why didn’t i think of anything i’m supposed to?  am i supposed to think of anything anyways?  maybe i knew i wasn’t going to die.  maybe i’m okay with it.

two secrets:

1. i think i knew that this would be the event we rolled at.  a few moments after the roll i had seen before because i dreamed them months earlier.  most vivid was duplessis’ white R32 rolling backwards at the stop control where we waited to go retrieve our once-proud rally car.  i am not joking, i saw this a long time ago.  maybe that’s why i wasn’t afraid.  i knew it wasn’t time.

2. on my dresser, before the last two rallies, i have left a list of things that should be done and said if i don’t come back.

i think now, i’m supposed to realize there are so many things i haven’t done and that i need to do them all at once.  but there’s really only a few things that i would miss if i had to watch them from some ethereal plane.  and i hope most of those people know already that i would miss them.

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One thought on “R4 L4- into 360 half-roll

  1. Jean Weltschmerz says:

    I might be so inclined to say something but I doubt a Jeep would fare any better.

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